


The Long Goodbye

by owlmoose



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2018-02-11 17:29:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2076798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/owlmoose/pseuds/owlmoose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before he heads off on his next mission, Steve pays one last visit to Peggy. Set shortly after the events of CA: TWS.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Long Goodbye

Steve bounded up the stairs to Peggy's house, forcing a lightness he didn't really feel into his steps, and put his finger over the doorbell. There he paused, his hand hovering. He wanted to do this, and yet he didn't: as always, his longing to be with Peggy warred with his fear of what he might find beyond that door. And the news he carried sure didn't help. And yet, he didn't have any choice. He had to see her, at least one more time. Cicadas buzzed in his ears, the heat of summer in the Maryland suburbs more oppressive than usual. He looked back over his shoulder at Sam, who stood on the edge of the sidewalk, arms crossed.

"You have to do this," Sam said.

"I know." Steve looked back at the doorbell. "I just... I don't want to be the one to have to tell her what happened."

"She might already know," Sam pointed out. "It's not like it wasn't on the news."

Steve almost laughed. "It's hard to be sure with Peggy. One minute she's clear, understands everything that's going on. The next..." It hurt to even think about finishing the sentence. He took a deep breath and then, instead of hitting the pale yellow button, he made a fist and rapped against the screen door. A few seconds later, the inner door opened to reveal a familiar and unexpected face -- not the nurse Steve had seen on his previous visits, but a young blond woman who looked almost as startled as he felt.

"Agent 13?"

"Sharon," she corrected him, expression relaxing. "I'm not an agent anymore. No one is."

"I suppose not." Steve stepped back with a frown. "So then why..."

"Remember my insomniac aunt? On the phone, in the hallway?" Sharon half turned, gestured behind her. "Actually, she's my great aunt. But she smacks me if I call her that."

"Ah." Steve crossed his arms and looked down. He'd already had to rewrite his image of Sharon once, when he'd discovered she worked for SHIELD. This connection to his past made for a considerably larger adjustment. "So, then, this is family duty. Not guard duty."

Sharon shrugged, smiled. "Kind of both. Either way, I'm not protecting her from you. Would you like to come in?" 

"How is she?" he asked as she closed the screen door behind him. "Did you tell her about-- all this?" He waved his hand in a circle, not entirely sure what he was encompassing. The rise of HYDRA, the end of SHIELD, everything that had happened with Bucky? If she would even remember Bucky.

"We avoided the subject at first." Sharon led him through the living room, past the over-stuffed couch and the fireplace mantle covered with photos -- children, grandchildren, destinations around the world in their backgrounds. "She... hasn't had many good days lately, so I wasn't sure how she would react. Then she turned on the television in her room and caught a news report, and it was like someone lit a fire under her. A sort of confused fire; she kept demanding that we get Director Fury on the phone." Her smile had a twist of pain behind it. "Once she even asked for Howard Stark. But she had more of a spark than I've seen since-- well, since she found out that you were spotted at the Battle of New York." Sharon turned a quick grin on him, and Steve ducked his head, fighting the sudden flush of warmth on his cheeks. "Anyway," she continued, "she's been pretty lucid since then. So you shouldn't have to break the news to her. She'll probably even be eager to talk about it."

"That's good, I guess." They had reached Peggy's bedroom door, and Steve hesitated again. "Should I--"

"I'll make sure she's awake." Sharon leaned against the door, then knocked. "Aunt Peggy?"

Steve could hear the rustling of covers as Peggy stirred in bed. "Yes?"

"Steve Rogers is here to see you," Sharon said.

"Of course, show him in." 

Sharon pushed the door open, standing aside to let Steve past. She caught his eye again, then turned away with another quick nod, walking down the hall to leave the two of them alone.

Steve walked into the room and took a seat next to the stranger in the bed; as always, it took him a moment to adjust to the idea that this ancient, fragile woman really was Peggy. He caught her eyes -- the same eyes, still warm, still bright with life -- and took her hand, lightly curling his fingers around hers. "Hi," he said.

"Hello." She struggled to sit up further, and he waited, giving her time to settle in. "I hear you've had quite a busy few days."

He chuckled, glanced down at the bedspread. "You could say that."

"And all I could do was sit here and watch." Her smile faded, and she shook her head. "The last time I saw you, when I said we'd mucked things up. I didn't know the half of it, did I?"

Steve tightened his grip on her hand. "It's not your fault."

"If not mine, then whose?" Peggy turned her head away. "I built SHIELD from its very foundations. And in the process, I created the perfect home for HYDRA to thrive and grow. I spoke against inviting Zola into our ranks, but I could have fought harder." She looked back at him, and her eyes hardened. "SHIELD was my responsibility, so I should take responsibility for the disaster it became."

"You can't take this on yourself," Steve said, softly. "Not entirely."

She sighed. "I know. What's the expression -- to fuck up this badly, you need a committee?" Steve laughed again, and her smile returned. "You had better not be blaming yourself, either."

"If not me, then who?" Steve lowered his eyes. "I let myself get too close to an organization I didn't trust. I should have kept my guard up, seen the signs."

"No one else saw them, either. Even Nicholas--" Peggy caught her breath, and closed her eyes. "Ah, Nick. Such a stubborn, difficult man. We rarely agreed on anything, and yet I can't believe he's gone. What a loss."

Steve opened his mouth to correct her, then stopped. He wanted to tell her, was desperate to tell her, but he didn't dare. If she let it slip to the wrong person when she wasn't herself, when her mind was wandering... It was a bitter realization: Peggy, the person he trusted most in the world, was the person he could least trust to keep a secret. 

So he only nodded. It wasn't difficult to arrange a mournful expression, even if it was for completely different reasons. "He was a good man. Even a friend, sometimes."

Peggy lifted a hand lightly to his cheek. "I hear we almost lost you, too."

He shrugged. "Nothing a few days in the hospital couldn't cure."

She snorted. "A day in the hospital for you is like a month in ICU for anyone else. But how did you make it even that far?"

"I don't know for sure," Steve admitted. "Last thing I knew was falling from the helicarrier wreckage into the Potomac. I don't even remember hitting the water. But I think... I think it was..." He lowered his voice. "Peggy, did they tell you about the Winter Soldier?"

She nodded. "The HYDRA assassin."

"Yeah. Peggy, he's Bucky. The Winter Soldier is Bucky."

"Bucky..." Peggy's brow furrowed, then smoothed as her eyes went wide with understanding. "Barnes? James Barnes?"

"It's him." Steve let out a long breath. "HYDRA must found him after he fell from the train. Found him, and brainwashed him into a killing machine. He didn't even know who I was."

Peggy's eyes softened. "Oh, Steve. I'm so sorry."

Steve closed his eyes for a moment, fighting the memory of that first horrible moment, when the mask had fallen off to reveal Bucky's hardened face. A stranger in a friend's body. The exact opposite of Peggy, he thought, and he opened his eyes to look at her again, his memory superimposing brown curls and bright red lips on the face he loved so well. "He was ordered to kill me. And at the end-- he could have. He could have finished it, but he didn't. And then, after... he pulled me out of the river. I have no proof, but I know it was him. No one else could have done it." He leaned closer to her. "He's still out there, Peggy. I have to find him."

"Of course you do." Peggy sat up a little taller. "When do you leave?"

"Soon. I'll find Bucky, and the rest of HYDRA, too, wherever else they might be hiding." He sat back up, back straight. "In 1945, I said I wouldn't stop until all of HYDRA was dead or captured, and I meant it. It'll just take a little longer than I thought."

"If anyone can get them, it's you." Peggy tightened her hand on his. "But I hope you aren't doing it alone."

"I have friends, allies. A couple of former SHIELD agents I know I can trust, and a few others." Steve thought about Sam. Too bad Peggy would never meet Sam -- he was sure they would have liked each other. "It'll be enough." He tiled his head, half-smiled. "I wish you could be one of them."

Peggy laughed, dry and barking. "I wish I could say the same. But I'll be with you in spirit." She leaned forward and looked up at him. "Finish the work I started. Root out the cancer of HYDRA, and rebuild SHIELD, make it what I dreamed it could be. For me, for everyone."

Steve placed his free hand over her heart. "For you. For you, anything." He pressed his lips to her forehead, then moved down for a light kiss on her mouth, as gentle as he could be against her papery skin.

He pulled away, and she brushed his cheek again. "Goodbye, Steve," she murmured. She leaned back against the pillows and closed her eyes, let her hand slip from his as he stood. For another moment he looked at her, swallowing down the lump in his throat. One last moment with her. It was all he'd ever needed, and yet it would never be enough.


End file.
